August 13, 2018 Believing in, or Believing HIM

The first order of business is definitely to wish my beautiful Mom the happiest of birthdays! I owe everything to you and if I've got one wish it's to become a little more like you every day. May your day be full of BBC period dramas, family time, and chocolate that involves peanut butter or nuts of some kind. I sure love you!!! Can't even say how much!!

Life in Fontana goes on as usual: heat, yard sales, ice-cream trucks, and chihuahuas just everywhere. The fires aren't too close to us (as far as we know, we don't watch the news), but all the ash in the air has resulted in the most spectacular sunsets almost every day. If Hermana Stanfield isn't getting sick of me belting "The Circle of Life" to her every evening she soon will be. Seeing a gigantic, red sun just brings out whatever tiny part of me is African (or wants to be)! 

I learned two powerful lessons this week, and since I wasn't sure how to tie them together I'm just going to go for it. Bear with me as I sort things out here. 

First: if you spend any time grumbling, you are going to miss miracles. Count your blessings has taken on new meaning this week.

Elsie had been doing oh-so well. She was talking to Keiko about getting married, she wanted to get Joanna involved in Young Womens and Frankie and Bella to Primary, she was bound and determined to get back to church...she was on fire really. For three days, she'd message us to tell us where she was in the Book of Mormon, and even though I was trying to read along with her I could barely keep up. It was exciting to see her start to really progress after spending a few weeks much too busy. Then, yesterday, Elsie didn't show up to church. Second hour, we got a message that rocked our world. Elsie dropped us. Her boyfriend, who hadn't minded too much about us coming over, became upset when he realized all the changes our visits entailed. Elsie, always the mediator, had decided it was just better to stop meeting with us entirely if she couldn't be baptized anytime soon, and asked us to stop coming by. It was crushing. 

We shed more than a few tears, and neither of us could remember a day when we've felt just so burnt out. We both love Elsie so very much, we've come such a long way with her, and the thought of not seeing her is just awful. There was a definite lack of sunshine in the souls of the Juniper Hermanas yesterday! Please keep Elsie in your prayers. 

That night, while reporting our numbers to our district leader, we had a realization. We had spent so much of the day sad and disappointed that we had completely missed so many miracles. We had had six people in sacrament meeting, two of which stayed for all three hours of church. Jesse volunteered himself to teach the Primary a dance for a stake multicultural night. We will be teaching two new people, one a referral and another a newly-nine member, and we had two great lessons. God's hand had been evident all throughout our day, and we had focused only on the hardships of the day! It was humbling to say the least, and I felt a sincere need to tell Heavenly Father how sorry I was. It was as if he was saying to us, "Don't you trust me? Elsie is in my hands; you are in my hands. Recognize the miracles, and don't be so easily disheartened!" 

Lesson two was a little different. In a talk called, "Be Who You Are" by Hank Smith, he brings up a story and a point that have really resonated with me this week. 

He tells the story of the daredevil the Great Blondin, who decided to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope. "Do you believe?" he asked the screaming crowd before his crossing. "We believe!" they cried out, and across went the Great Blondin, not once--but twice. After his second crossing, the crowd had absolutely lost it. The Great Blondin then asked for a wheelbarrow. "Do you believe?" he called out, and again received an overwhelming reply of, "we believe!!" "I'm so glad you believe," said the Great Blondin, "because I only need one volunteer." The crowd went silent. The Great Blondin looked down at the crowd and said simply, "I thought you said you believed?" 

The moral of the story is that there are two types of belief, and there is a significant different between the two. The crowd believed in the Great Blondin as long as it didn't require them to act on that belief. The analogy Hank Smith uses to explain the different is that we can believe in electricity all we want, but that believe can't warm our toast or light our lamps until we act on that belief. It's the same way with Christ. Often, we are more than willing to get up and loudly and bravely say that we "believe in Christ," but sometimes it's more challenging when we're asked to actually act on that belief. "I'm so glad you believe," says the Savior, "because I need a volunteer." 

For me, it's often, "I'm so glad you believe, Hermana Hawkes, because I need you to use what little Spanish you have. I'm so glad you believe, because I need you to trust in my promise that you can learn this language. I'm so glad you believe, because I need you to trust in my will and my timing for these people that you're teaching. I'm so glad you believe, because I need you to be something more, and it won't be easy." 

The gospel of Jesus Christ is one of action. We can say we believe until we're hoarse, but until we act it's just empty words. We all believe in Christ, but do we really, truly believe Him? Do we believe Him when he says "it will all turn out?" Do we believe Him when he asks us to trust in his timing? Do we believe that the happiness he can offer us really is greater than what he asks us to give up? Do we believe that His grace really is sufficient to cover and carry us? 

I don't know that I always do, and that shook me a little to find out, but I know that I want to. I want to more truly believe Him, and act on that faith. 

Love you all so much, and hope you have the best week! I hope you don't miss the miracles, and believe Him! 

Love, 

Hermana Hawkes 

Great Quotes: 

"Let us cheerfully do all we can, and then stand still, with the utmost assurance to see the salvation of God, and for His arm to be revealed." --Joseph Smith  

"It's only a chow-wow if you bring chow, but I'm really poor." --Elder Cane

"You're voice cracked." --Angel  "What about witchcraft??" --Me

"2 pajaros con un Pedro." --also me (unfortunately) 

Recommendations: 

Messages of Love --Elder Patrick Kearon (about Personal Revelation)

Note to Mom:

Sending this two ways as insurance...please let me know asap whether you receive it or not. If you could start forwarding out my emails, I'm convinced there is a problem on my end. I'll continue to try to send it. Also, let Jordan know I reply to him all the time. He writes faithfully and I'm really not sure whether he gets them poor guy.

I hate to send housekeeping stuff on your birthday, but I pent up everything all week and then I have to send it when I can. The only things I can really think of that would be nice for my birthday would be that CD with Spanish music I talked about earlier (with that song Sonda Me, Usa Me) and maybe send along some of my old jewelry? I "left the world behind me" when I came on the mission but have since found out missionaries are real people and sometimes we like to look cute and less like a muffin. I really miss my turquoise ring, silly as that is!

MOM, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. The title of the letter has to do with my present, or lack thereof. I have been stressed about your birthday for a long time, so know that the package contains a broken phone. I've felt just sick about you opening it convinced the giant lump was a gift from the exotic land of Fontana, California...and it isn't. I have been trying and trying to find something for your birthday, but Fontana isn't really a place for souvenirs. Store wise I have D.I., Target, and Walmart (sound familiar?), and couldn't bring myself to get you anything I didn't really feel you'd actually like. I wanted to look when we went up to Redlands last Tuesday, but we didn't get a chance to shop there. Thus, I ended up using my spare minutes each night so I could send at least something home, and a rather embarrassing little recording is on it's way too. I have a vision of silver earrings with turquoise, but haven't found anything close. I know you don't expect anything, but I so much wanted to do something for your birthday, you mean a whole lot to me. 

I've met a whole lot of Moms during my time out hear, but none of them compare to mine. You so fully dedicate yourself to whatever you do, and in every case it involves our family. Having a mom I could cry to, laugh with, and tell absolutely anything and everything to meant the world to me, and is something I profoundly miss. I think about how you tirelessly grocery shop, drive to and from soccer practices, play practices, legislative events, and church activities. You're never doing nothing, and yet you're never too busy for people. You share your testimony most often by living it. 

You appreciate the little things, so I hope your day has been full of them. Love you buckets and buckets!