October 14, 2019 Another Beginning

We couldn't get all our friends in Thermal to church, but Hermano Esteves got the big idea of a movie night in his front yard. He rarely plans activities, so we took the idea and ran with it. He put his heart and soul into it, buying around 40 ears of corn to make elotes (dressed-up corn cobs), powdered cheese, and this cute little black table runner to "make it look fancy." Not too many showed, but those that did loved it--watching "Coco" on a big screen under a big harvest moon and surrounded by fields of corn and palms. We couldn't watch the movie, so Hermana Coenen and I sat behind the screen, bringing everyone drinks and popcorn and pasting countless corn cobs with mayonnaise and cheese. We felt very Mexican. 

I probably drive my companion crazy, these last few weeks I've been just a crazy mix of trying to speed up and slow down--cramming too many things into the schedule, desperately trying to see everyone, and then running late to everything because someone's conversion story went a little long and didn't stop them. I just have a need to be with these people and never want to rush it. Now that I can finally understand everything they tell me, I just drink it in! I want to catch all the stories! 

I've been thinking so much about my mission as a whole lately. What are my favorite moments? What were the biggest miracles? The truth is, though, is that my mission is made up of tiny golden moments that came so quietly. Moments where I just put my hand to my heart and said a quick thanks that I was able to come do this. For example, just this last week this little sister we've been visiting was battling us about whether Joseph Smith was important. We just listened. After a moment, she just began to cry and put my hand on hers and we really talked-- and not about Joseph Smith. We talked about what really mattered; faith and truth and how to find both. In that moment, we both knew why we call each other "sister" in this church. It's the little tiny moments like that that have made my mission. 

I had been having a hard time these past few weeks because my mission just felt unfinished. There was so much more I still wanted to do, so much more I still wanted to become. People would ask if I was "trunky" and I would just shake my head at them! I had just figured out how to do this! How on earth could I be sick of it already? Luckily, we had the opportunity to go to the temple, and standing there in the quiet a quiet answer came, "Little one, you are the one who decides whether this is an ending or a beginning." 

The very fact that my mission feels so unfinished means that it isn't! If I'm only getting the hang of it now, there must be more to do. My grandma Mary Jane, talking about life, put it a lot better than I could. She said, "To me this whole process is the greatest evidence for eternal life:  Why the journey--the lives of struggle and learning, always arriving at wisdom after the experience--coming to know how to run the plays when the game has ended and often after we’ve lost the game??? It only makes sense if there is more...This has to be just what we are taught it is:  preparation for more and more and more.”

I almost feel silly I was so worried. Of course there will be more, because there will always be people, and PEOPLE are this work. God himself told us that His work and glory are "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man," and for the past 18 months that has been my purpose too. We're all on the same journey, but to get there we've got to help each other along. We're surrounded by our brothers and sisters, and we're all just trying to make it back home. As I've prayed and struggled for the gift of charity, there has been moments when God has given me just the tiniest glimpse of what He feels for each one of us. He loves us so much! We're all so imperfect and tiny, but we can each be a part of His work! That is so incredible to me. I'm such a mess but all He ever asks is that I keep a prayer in my heart and two willing hands. 

I've learned that happiness and gratitude are decisions, made each day. I've learned that if you pray hard, dig in and really read your scriptures, and go to church (and mean it) you'll never be too lost. I've learned that everyone has a story to tell if we only ask. I've learned that all good things-- charity and goodness and peace and inspiration--come from God. We only ever channel them. I've learned that when Jesus Christ tells us that it isn't ever too late, He means it. I know that He lives. I know we aren't just wandering around--there is a plan, a Creator, and a Savior who makes it all work. I am so grateful I know that. 

I love you all so much. 

--Hermana Hawkes 

Great Quotes: 

"..a whole thanksgivin' meal."--Hna Coenen

'Que voy a hacer con tanta mayonesa?" --Hno Esteves (what will I do with that much mayo?) 

"My mission has kind of made me sick of mankind. Emphasis on the word MAN." --me