January 21, 2019 Rain, rain, rain

Hi all!

It was rain, rain, rain all last week and I think Hna Ciarlante and I were the only two people in Desert Hot Springs who loved it. The water doesn't run off the streets very well, which makes for great puddles! 

It was crazy how the desert drank it all up, and everything suddenly turned so green. I hope that's how the message of the gospel feels to people when we first teach it; I hope it feels like a big drink of water after a long, long time. 

One of the best moments of this week was teaching Diana, Juana's granddaughter. We've been trying to have a lesson with her forever, but she's been reluctant and I never felt that she was very interested. We didn't give up, though, and boy am I glad. Diana is a single mom no older than I am, and she works full time. Her little boy isn't quite a year yet, and likes to screech and smile really wide and break china. He looks just exactly like the baby from Ice Age. We are good friends. 

We started teaching, and Diana, who I thought "didn't care much about all that," turned out to be thoughtful and prayerful and carrying around sincere questions about who God is. I've found if we can help people answer that question for people, everything else falls into place. I heard once that "prayer only becomes natural once we understand that God is our Father and wants to communicate with us." How true that is. My favorite question of all came at the very end, after I shared my testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith. "You said you know that he was a prophet," said Diana, "but how did you know? How can I know?" I don't think anyone has ever asked me that! Really, the whole message of the restoration is just that. God hasn't changed, not a bit, and he still wants to talk to you as much as he ever has. You don't have to take my word for it, we want you to see for yourself. 

I love you all so much, and am praying for you! Have the best week! 

--Hermana Hawkes 

P.S. We found someone in our records who's last name was "Tostado," so we really do have an Hermano Toast! Hna Ciarlante and I thought it was so funny we kept giggling every time we tried to pray for him! Still just trying to meet him! 

Great Quotes: 

"It would be the same every time Hna Hawkes; 'Laban, in the treasury, with his sword!'" (Hna Ciarlante is not with me on a Book of Mormon Clue edition)

"I don't have any plans, but I think I'm pretty good at figuring things out on my own and don't need to be in your club thanks." --Kids show

"Well if that doesn't sound like a few of the people we are teaching..." --Hna Ciarlante 

"When I get old and have no money I'll just convert my van into a little house. Hna Pinela will love it; she can run along the side while I drive!" --Hno Pinela. He was also endlessly confused by some visiting children with man buns. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. 

"No, Hna Hawkes that is not a cayote. It's a very, very ugly dog." --Hna Ciarlante 

I love hearing from you two, and am always a little sad when I've finished all my letters!! That just means they are good. Grateful for all the advice too, I'm going to look for 'joy moments' and draw inspiration from powerhouses like MLK.

Sad to hear about sweet little Jesse. I'll sure miss her, and I'll be praying for her family. 

In other news, Matt Beer just emailed me! Haha it's definitely a little awkward, but I figure if I can send a little note to a future missionary and pump him up it can only be a good thing. 

I think I've figured out my root problem, with a lot of help from you both. I've gotten sucked back into myself again, and that's an unhappy place to be. The happiest moments of my mission are when I'm immersed in the work, immersed in the people, and praying as hard as I can for charity. Sometimes I want to improve and have "light and inspiration and charity" that I think I wear myself out trying to source those things. Really, it doesn't work that way at all. Elder Bednar puts it as "conduits" rather than "sources" of light. It all goes back to my theme song, "Sonda Me, Usa Me." If I can learn to be a vessel, an instrument, a conduit, and recognize that nothing good in this work comes from me but from the Savior, I know I'll be just fine. I've only got a short nine months left, and I'm determined to give everything to the Savior. I want to be entirely His, every bit. I don't want to leave these people with half of me, half of all I can give. It doesn't matter so much anymore if "Hna Hawkes" is their favorite missionary, or even if they get baptized while I'm here (don't worry definitely still want that and am fighting for it) but if they can feel Christ's love through me. If something I say lets the spirit tell them what they need to change. That's the goal. I want to be more like both of you: serving, serving, serving. 

Praying really hard for you Dad with this session. You're our Atticus Finch, and sometimes that's an uncomfortable place to be, but we need you. I'll be cheering for you. Mom, you too as well. The session is pretty busy for the both of you. 

This is mammoth...sometimes I just get so needy to talk to both of you my goodness! Mom, I think you should look into Humanitarian. When I think of you and your gifts, that's what strikes me. 

Also, with contacting Hna Stanfield she can not reply to you via Facebook! The only way to contact her would be through her Mom. If it's a lot of trouble don't worry. We can sort it out, and I'm pretty used to living with new people at this point. 

Love you both buckets and buckets and buckets. My love to Mary and Christian and Jordan and Camille!