January 14, 2019 God's Kitchen

Hi all! 

We serve meals for two hours each week at a little neighborhood Soup Kitchen called "God's Kitchen." It's run by a handful of the cutest, and spunkiest, old women and their husbands, and is the meeting place for all sorts of characters. The food, and the people, are both a little rough around the edges, but there's a lot of gems there. It was slow this week, so we sat behind the table in our plastic gloves with more chili-mac than we knew what to do with, talking to Dee about her new onesie (I bet it's zebra print) and getting to know the new volunteer Lowanda.  Lowanda is a big woman with an even bigger smile. She loves the Lord, and she loves life. She just lost her job, but in her words, "I'm just so blessed. Now I have time to write praise poems and be with my family. I know the Lord did it. I'm excited. He closed that door, which means He has something exciting in store for me!" She told us all about her fiance. He's been in jail on account of his past, but "that's what he needed to turn to the Lord. We've both been through a lot, but now we're completely committed to each other, and to God." She's a city mouse landed in the country, but "now she knows her neighbors and found out how friendly she always was."   I was absolutely stunned by this woman. She's planning on volunteering 2 times a week because it's just "way too much fun." I'd love to be more like her; every bump in the road, to Lowanda, is nothing but a gift. 

On the God's Kitchen note, I got reported by a woman there because I was "judging her." Oh, dear. She did have an interesting hat on but I don't know that I disliked it...

I've had a lot of firsts on my mission; being offered drugs, being stood up at a Carl's Junior (Alvaro never showed!), and getting pulled over for drunk driving. I'd been driving down the road for all of 2 minutes before he pulled me over. My mind was racing because I had no idea how I'd managed to speed with a Tiwi, but it turns out he thought I was tipsy. "You're driving too close to the side! Have you been drinking?? Texting?? Talking to your friend?" His accent sort of sounded like Dracula. I stammered out something about being missionaries and not drinking and having a lesson with a woman named Raquel. I didn't get a ticket, but Hna Ciarlante will definitely be driving the next while! 

This week also involved a lot of trash. We cleaned out a woman's home that she hadn't cleaned in 20 years. She was so sweet, I think when she lost her husband it all just kind of fell apart for her. Her cat, Mr. Whiskers, is all the family she has. Well, that and the stuffed cat by the door that scared me half to death every time I went in and out (Mr. Whiskers senior??). Janice definitely reminded me of Miss Havisham; I don't think she knew she was living frozen in time like that. While we were cleaning, and it was rough business, I kept thinking what a metaphor it was for missionary work in general. We're helping people clean up, clean out all the garbage, dust off old dreams and move on. 

Hiking this week, I was saddened by how much trash was up in the hillside. I had the thought, "people who need Jesus sure do have a lot of trash!" but of course the quick realization was how much we all need Jesus and how much "trash" we've all got! I love a quote by President Dixon on the same theme, which is that "the path of discipleship is the only one on which it's alright to litter. As we draw nearer to the Savior, we'll make more changes than we thought necessary or every possible." 

I know that's been true for me. It's funny how the more we learn about the Savior and the nearer we draw to Him the more deeply we feel our own imperfection. I love the words of the song, "Sonda Me, Usa Me," (listen to the version by Nathan Pacheco -promise!)  which has become kind of a mission "theme song." It's in Portugese, but it's a sort of prayer to the Lord to make you an instrument in His hands. "Transform me, conform me to your word." It even asks for a "broken heart," which is an idea that never made much sense to me before the mission, but I think means that we're so willing to give ourselves and our lives to the Lord that we'll give him every bit of who we are. 

We talked about the story of Peter and the Resurrected Christ, who asks him 3 times, "Do you love me?" I loved one sister's representation, which was that the repetition is like levels of love. It's easy to say we love the Savior, and even respond enthusiastically when he asks the first time if we love Him "more than these," but by the end Jesus isn't talking to Peter about the easy stuff like fishing or boats. When Christ asks us, "Lovest thou me more than these," he asks us to absolutely give of ourselves, all those dusty things we've held on to for too long, and it's really hard. In return, though, we get a fresh start. 

Hno Ramos got the priesthood last week, and will be headed to the temple for the first time this weekend. He's so excited, and feels like he has people waiting for him to do their work. Jose's doing well too, his biggest obstacle right now is letting his faith override his fear. I think he's just so afraid he won't feel forgiven. We got Juana hooked on Elder Utchdorf talks too, which is fun, but she's still nervous to come to church. Pray she'll get there so she can be baptized coming up! I'll send more people updates next week, we've had such sporadic lessons with everyone it's hard to give a good update on anyone, but we're blessed with so, so many wonderful people. I'm lucky to know them. 

Love you all, have a great week! 

"One time, when I was in Bangladesh with my Russian siblings I noticed that the streets were lined with coconuts..." --Elder Richardson (it was a true story. I kid you not) 

"Hersogovnia? Is that right across from Genovia?" --Me 

"I think I'll seek God later, when I'm old and have more time." 

Hello! 

Will you tell Aunt Jenny how much I love the felt hearts she sent and the Christmas card? I don't have her email!

Also, what is a cheap haircut? I need one but I don't know what a rip-off is... 

Dad, I was so sorry to hear about your knee and about the pre-diabetes? Does that mean I'm pre-diabetes as well. I'll be praying for you for sure. I know how crazy the session is, especially with your new job (Rules Chair?) I wouldn't want your job, but I'm sure glad we have people like you in the world. It's a whole lot. Is there anything I can do to help you out? You two spend so much time helpin and buoying me up, but I wish I could do more. 

Mom: I hope you're recovering?? I know how bad you are at being sick, but I hope you at least took it a little easier and gave yourself time to heal. I recommend Great British Baking show and mint tea. 

Note on "dropping", don't worry. We don't even call it "dropping" anymore, it's "stop teaching." I've thought a lot about your story about "what would Jesus do," and I try to live by that principle. I've never stopped teaching ANYONE without hearing from their lips, or by message, that meeting with us and moving closer to Jesus Christ isn't something their interested in at this time. However, I do think there is a time and place to stop meeting with someone, but especially because it's not really permanent. Our area 70 explained it as everyone being on a scale between 1-7 of remembering truths they knew before this life. We're here to help people remember (pierce spiritual amnesia). Some people arent ready, but will be soon! They just need more time. If someone won't even meet with us, they probably aren't ready, and I don't feel bad not teaching them consistently. They'll get there, but we're here to teach "those who will receive us," and fighting to teach someone who doesn't want lessons can actually damage their relationship with missionaries. Everyone we've stopped teaching recently "dropped us!" I tend to hang on to people an awfully long time, definitely until they tell us flat out they don't want it. 

Love you both, was grateful for your letters. I don't like to be "needy," but I was. I want to get "lost in the work," but it's hard when no one is getting anywhere fast to start to question if it's something we're doing wrong. I especially loved the 1st article you sent Mom, it was wierd reading something by someone who understood so well. 

I'm learning. Little by little. I don't want to be perfect, I just want to be enough, and I've felt for so long that I wasn't. So many things about my life, and sometimes even the words of other people have told me I wasn't, but I'm learning that really it's just a narrative and something I can change. I'm a state-side missionary, but now I know the Lord gave me that for humility. The same is true with Spanish. I still don't have much, but while bucket-baths and walking everywhere are probably humbling for some people, struggling to be proficient in the language in my own country is what I needed to be humble and turn to the Lord. Because it's so hard I know that EVERY word I have is from Him. People don't flock to the font here, but it means that with each one you fight the battle alongside them. I wouldn't trade. Not for the world. 

Praying for you all always. Can't believe I'm nearly halfway. Golly, so much more I want to do, so little time.