March 25, 2019 Wherefore didst thou doubt?

Hi all!

If last week really was the 4th watch, then this week followed the story. The waves and the wind continued, but we definitely saw the Lord's hand, and I definitely felt the quiet correction from Him, "Why did you doubt? This is my work and my timing, not yours. Do your best and trust." 

We had a first lesson with a woman named Olga. We didn't have too much of a plan, we mostly wanted to listen, talk about our purpose as missionaries, and teach her how to pray. This sweet little mother of three, who sells fried corn cobs and sliced mango on the street corners each day, poured out her story to us. "I don't know much about God," she confided, "but I know he's there, and I know he loves us." It reminded me of Nephi's dream where he is asked, "Knowest thou the condescension of God?" and he responds simply, "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." Sometimes, I think that's all we really need to know, that there is a loving God about who knows who we are, reaches out to us, and weeps with us. When people understand this, we don't have to teach them to pray, and Olga did. She gave the most beautiful, hearfelt prayer, and just started to cry thanking God for being so aware of her and sending two sisters her way in a time of need. 

The second miracle was weeks in coming. Months before I arrived, a strong brother in the branch stopped coming. The problem in such a small, beginning branch is that ministering doesn't happen the way it is supposed to and people get lost. We stopped by this brother's home only to find he had moved months before. I was devastated. He had effectively disappeared; no one knew where he was and from the story he was unlikely to return to church without help. 

Driving one day to go try and contact a record I pulled over so we could knock the door of the house with a giant snowman painted on the window. I figured anyone who paints giant snowman would probably be fairly friendly to missionaries, and if there Christmas lights are still up it usually means they speak Spanish (don't ask me why I don't see the connection there). Our appointments with the family kept falling through after that, but Hermana Ballard insisted that we keep returning to the same street. Hermana Ballard had the idea to service tract, and knockh doors dressed and ready to pull weeds, paint, anything else anyone might need. After trying the two homes we had been trying to have lessons with, we decided to knock just one more and at least talk to someone before we headed on our way. When the man opened the door, you could just feel a weight on him. He turned down our service, but didn't seem anxious to stop talking with us. Finally he broke out with, "I used to be a member of your church. My daughter was a missionary, just like you both." I realized who it was, and when I said his name and told him we had been looking for him, I started to cry because I'm the biggest baby on this side of Southern California. Then he started to cry, and told us we could come back and see him. Hermana Ballard and I were so floored, and so grateful to be where we were. 

Hermana Ballard has challenged us both to teach the Restoration in five minutes! Do you think we can do it?? I have no idea, but we're pretty excited to try. 

This is already too big, but I figure no one has to read the whole thing unless they'd like to right? I'd like to share a quick scripture on weakness. My mission has changed my whole perspective on it. In Ether it talks about how "if men come unto me I'll show unto them their weakness," so sometimes seeing where we are falling short is evidence we are moving in the right direction. This is from 2 Corinthians 12: 

"And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

This is definitely me! Sometimes I think I'm so eager to ask God to "please take this darn thorn away, I'm sick of it, and I'd sure like to be a perfect missionary." Then, He always reminds me that there's only one perfect missionary, and that's Jesus Christ, not me, and that if I'm willing to rely on Him I can still do this work, imperfect as I am. Weaknesses then, don't have to always be roadblocks, but something that allows us to access and rely on the grace of Christ. I'm grateful then, that my Spanish is imperfect and I'm still learning how to teach and that sometimes I say the wrong thing, if it allows me to rely just a little more fully on the Savior. 

I love you all so much!!

--Hermana Hawkes 

"Ese perro es muy grosero!" --Hna Ballard

"no soy una moneita de oro para que todos me amen." --Hno Aranda (Not sure I have this right, but "he's not the little gold coin to make everyone happy.")