September 24, 2018 Happy Birthday Mare

Hi all!  

First things first, I have to wish the biggest HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Mare. I miss you so much I could burst, and I'm constantly amazed by all you do and everything you are. I mean, you play soccer, piano, viola, are an officer, take AP classes, are good at math, know every good tv series known to man...what don't you do?? The best word for you is probably BRIGHT. I remember praying for a little sister every night before you were born, but you exceeded every expectation. I can't believe I get to be your big sis. You are one of the most genuine and kind people I've ever met, and yet also have a gift for roasting people when the opportunity comes. You make me laugh so hard I cry, and I miss belting Adele with you in the car at the top of our lungs. You always let me bake things with you, even with my baking track record, and I loved every one of our long talks or movie nights. Probably the only thing I don't miss is you hiding under blankets all over the house and then popping out...fifteen year old's shouldn't do things like that, okay? It scares people. 

I wish I could have sent something special for your birthday, but I wasn't able to find anything quite right. I don't have much to work with outside of Walmart and Target, unless you want a hot pink tortilla warmer?? I tried, but I think I'm going to have to save up for Christmas! Know that I am your biggest fan, and cheering for you every moment. I know you'll carry through fifteen with all the kindness, grace, and strength you've always had. La quiero un monton! 

The highlight of this week is easy. Our ward had a recent convert temple night, and Jesse was able to go. We didn't think we were going to be able to go with him, but at the last moment all the chips fell into place and it was the biggest blessing to be there. Jesse was baptized on behalf of his two grandfathers, and baptized Hna Watkins and I for his two grandmothers. Jesse baptized me on behalf of his "Grandma Panchita" who raised him during his early childhood. I felt really honored. I'll never forget the look on Jesse's face as the temple worker handed him his completed temple cards. He just sat there silently, looking at them, and then said quietly, "Now I'm not the only member in my family. I've given them another chance. I can't believe I got to give them this chance." 

Jesse also blessed the sacrament this week, and received his first calling....*drumroll please* assistant ward mission leader. That means hanging out with Hermano Mondragon, and talking to missionaries a lot (both of which already probably qualify as hobbies of his). He's pretty excited because, in his words, "I've always wanted to be a missionary!!" 

I woke up this morning with "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" blasting in my mind. Definitely not a hymn. Definitely working on it! On the bright side, I did make sure to buy "dolphin safe" tuna at the store. We are celebrating the little victories this week. 

We had the most terrific lesson with someone who's record we bumped into randomly (?) on areabook the other day. We were looking for Octavio, and ended up meeting his wife Vicki. We had a lesson with both of them, which started with Octavio asking if we could tell him more about "the prophet Jose Smith." I think we both just sat there for a solid second, wondering if we had misheard! We taught them the Restoration, and finished with Octavio giving a sincere prayer to close. In their words, they are "looking for the truth." To be able to tell people that there is truth, that Heavenly Father does want to communicate with them, and they can know for themselves...is just amazing. I love sharing the Joseph Smith story, because in a way it's exactly what we want for each of our investigators. A farm-boy with a sincere question decided to act on his faith and turn to his Father in Heaven. Helping those we teach to act on whatever seed of faith they have is the most important thing we can do. Their relationship with Him is really what it's all about. 

It's easy to get bogged down in missionary work. You're surrounded by powerful, Christ-like people, you study every day about prophets with the faith to move mountains, and you need to be as spiritually receptive as possible in every minute. We're so focused on being the best we can be, on improving and becoming more Christlike, it's easy to turn inward without even realizing it. I'm definitely learning that the minute I start to become self-critical, I'm really become self-focused and it's difficult for the Spirit to abide with me. We should all do what we can each day to repent and improve, but trust that we're in the potter's hands and he knows how to shape us into who we need to be. I don't know Preach My Gospel or even the map of the area as well as I'd like to, but it's ok. I'm a work in progress and "I know in whom I have trusted." I may not be much, yet, as a missionary, but to doubt that the Lord can work through me, imperfect though I am, is to lack faith. 

I love you all, and hope you've had the most amazing week! You're all in my prayers! 

Love, 

Hna Hawkes 

I get so worn out of sorting which things go in a family email and which to everyone...don't be surprised if occasionally you get a long email with just a whole bunch of everything. I always have SO MUCH to say to you all and when I try to sort it out to much I forget things. Feel free to sensor whatever even in the group emails, I'm not always the most reverent (I still use the word "guys" which for a missionary is blasphemy)!   

This is going to be a bit of everything for everyone, but here goes! 

I have been listening to the Nathan Pacheco nonstop. Goodness do I love that guy. BEST THING EVER. Please thank Grandma and Grandpa for me, I have felt so loved by everyone and am so grateful for everything evefone did for my birthday. I wish i had the time to thank them all personally, I'm working on it. 

Mom: You said Christian has Mrs. Crook for school? Heads up on the science, you may not want him to have science with her, at least for a few of the units. I don't know if you remember, but she likes to bring in specimens from her husbands high school class and tell thrill-factor type stories about parasites and man-eating snakes. She's a wonderful teacher, and good at getting kids excited about science, but for an anxious kid like Christian you may want to talk to her. I remember dreading science with her, and honestly some of the things she shared gave me nightmares. I credit her stories with the extreme phobias I hdof snakes and worms/germs She's terrific, but I worry about CJ a tiny bit. 

I laughed so hard that you talked to Hna Cardenaz (on FB as Maria Gonsalez--maiden name) but I can't actually be tagged in anything on FB! I love you guys and am grateful for the shout-outs, but people have also been messenging me on FB messenger and I can't respond. If anyone asks will you let them know? She is my FAVORITE. Total fashionista, one of the warmest and most loving people I've ever met. 

You and Dad both wrote to me about what I most needed. I am deciding not to focus on the acorns in the yard this week. You two are wise cookies. Next week no group email, I'm just going to write a huge family one. I had a nightmare last night you guys all forgot about me...I got home and no one knew who I was. Yikes! Thanks for never making me feel like that. 

Hna Watkins and I miscommunicate all over the place...it's a little like Grace Fillmore in that I think we just think fundamentally differently and it makes communication hard. It's funny that two missionaries so focused on the work and doing what's right struggle a bit. She really is amazing, I don't know quite why we struggle. I'm not very good at reading her, but I always feel like I irritate her. Right now I'm having a hard time feeling like I'm doing much good here in Fontanta, not seeing too much progress from our people and I'm still just so new at all this, but I'm deciding to be grateful, to look for the good, and to serve my companion in any way that I can. She has taught me SO MUCH, and I'm grateful for the feedback. Love you guys!