July 8, 2019 Desert is no nickname!

It's hot down here, and shakey lately! We felt tremors from two earthquakes several miles away from us. One evening we were looking at our map and Hna Staker says to me, "Wow, hermana, I'm getting a little dizzy." I looked at her, alarmed, and sure enough she was swaying back and forth. "Oh, wow, now I'm woozy too!" I told her. It took us a good minute to realize the whole world was shaking and not just us! 

Just when I think I'm getting a handle on Spanish I ask someone if they find the apostle Paul attractive. Yes, I think I have a ways to go! 

To welcome new missionaries, the Zone leaders like to give out Gatorade and sodas. On my first day they showed up, for whatever reason, with a giant frost-bitten ham labeled, "Let's go ham this transfer!" When they asked Hna Staker for her favorite drink, me, being snarky, told them all we really wanted was another ham. So she got her drink and I somehow ended up with another mysterious ham!! I was told "not to ask any questions." Another time I had had a long day alone with a sick companion (which is basically being alone) and answered the door looking pretty messy. The two elders, who had just been transferred in, just looked at me for a minute and then one suddenly put a wilted lei over my head. The only explanation was, "I thought you might appreciate this. I didn't want it." I guess I looked needy?? Missionaries are the strangest people. 

We had a special little experience with a woman named Hilda this week. An appointment fell through, so we decided to keep knocking doors and walking the neighborhood until we talked to someone. Hna Staker had said she "felt good about the neighborhood." I've got this thing for knocking pink houses (it's a long story), and there were quite a few, and we talked to some impatient people. We were headed back to the car when we saw a woman watering her plants, back turned, and down a pretty long driveway. It was a bit awkward, and we almost kept going, but thought better of it. We called out to her, and although she was so nice she quickly expressed disinterest because, "her husband is a Mormon." She had confused us with members of another faith!! Her face just lit up when we explained who we were, and offered her a Book of Mormon. Her husband hasn't attended in a while, he wasn't even on our records, and she knew nothing about the church, but has laid awake at night she says wishing for a copy. Definitely a miracle! 

I felt a little badly about my previous email because I'm worried I gave the impression that I "give up on people," which really isn't true. It's a hard balance, as a missionary, knowing when it's time to stop having regular, frequent appointments with someone, but I truly do believe the ministering to that person shouldn't ever stop (even if the visits become more infrequent out of necessity). Jesus wouldn't have a dramatic "break-up lesson" with someone and then drop off the map would He? I don't think so. Still, I also can't imagine the Good Shepherd going after anyone with a big old stick and forcing his sheep the right direction! He only loves, cares for, and tirelessly invites. He's constant, and so is Heavenly Father. They reach out to us each and every day. 

That's been something big I think I've learned. I always thought that you had to sort of "earn blessings," or earn a "spiritual prompting"; I thought the Good Shepherd would begin his search when the little sheep started calling for help. The more I think about it though, the more I think it isn't that way at all. God is constantly blessing us, and as fully as he is able to. There's no big beefy angel tightly holding a "big-bag of blessings" and waiting for us to do something good, I think we're constantly being showered with blessings that we either access, or prevent our access through through disobedience. I think it's the same way with the spirit. God isn't waiting until we're perfect to speak to us, but constantly reaching out and trying to connect. We have to tune in, stop, and listen for the voice that is constantly trying to reach us. I don't even know if that makes any sense! 

Love you all so much! Thanks for bearing with me. Have the best week. 

Love, 

Hermana Hawkes

"I'm pretty sure Bible Video Jesus and I have the same brows." --me

"No soy Judas." --Hno Esteves (He said politicians were trying to buy him off because he started an uprising with the field  workers. He's had quite the life).