May 13 2019, Note to Melissa

 

Don't kick me out, but I spent so much time writing to Melissa that I lost what few minutes I had today! She needed it! I will attach my letter to her. I really feel like I should call Mary, so I'm going to do that quick. I'm so sorry for a lame update this week. I'm struggling to get Hna Alvarado to open up to me...so if you have any ideas on that? Love you both so much. LOVE the photos. I learned about most of that in Art history, so it's crazy to see you in front of it. 

Hi you!! I'm writing you very first because I feel so badly I didn't last week. Don't appologise for your letter, I was glad to get it and I've been praying for you. Pdays are just crazy and it's hard to find the time. 

Tell me about your friend!! On Calvin, no worries there. We will not be hanging out ever. I think I'm going to try and make some new friends if I'm honest! Also, on that boy that I was kind-of-sort-of dating before the mission, he stopped writing in the MTC and got engaged, but don't worry a bit. I tell you this in all seriousness; my mission is not worth any guy, and neither is yours. I've never regretted my decision to serve. 

On feeling underqualified...your friend is sadly right! The feeling doesn't go away, if anything it gets stronger. You know Ether 12:27 when it says "If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness??" The thing is, sometimes becoming more aware of our weaknesses is evidence that we're drawing nearer to the Savior. You may be weak, Melissa, we all are, but I know you've already got everything it takes to be an incredible missionary. Whatever image of a perfect missionary you've got in your head, I promise the Lord doesn't have that. He called you, as you are RIGHT now, and he will make up the difference! He sure does for me, every day. 

Here are the biggest things I have learned on my mission and have helped me the most. I'm not perfect at any of these, but when I work on them they save me and I love the work. 

1) A mission seems like a big sacrifice, but it is really a privilege. Give your mission to the Lord. The more you focus on dedicating this time to the Lord and helping others find Jesus Christ the more you will love it. Then all the little "pains in the neck" and little rules become a way to show him you love Him and are doing this for him. It's a "daddy-daughter date" in a sense ;)

2)Missionaries work so hard to "become better" and "become like Christ," but it's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you need to become someone else and become inwardly focused. Be YOU! The Lord called you because people need YOU. The YOU you already are!! There is a reason he calls 12 apostles, there isn't just one way or one person for the job! 

3) Gratitude cures negative thinking. I know we both get anxious, and I know we're both self-critical, trust me on this one. It's the magic antedote. On hard days I come up with 3 things I like about myself or a miracle or something. One of your biggest jobs right now is to make sure you really feel good about yourself and are in a good place emotionally. 

4) Last one: I've studied humility/meekness and charity a lot on my mission. It has helped so much. Scriptures that have helped me are John 15 and the story of the Brother of Jared. Christ is the source of all good things, we don't really source any of it we just channel it (especially charity). If we rely completely on Him, he can make our little tiny efforts, our "rocks," glow if we put our heart into preparing them to offer him. I don't know if that makes sense. 

That's enough soapbox. I sure love you, and I KNOW without a doubt you're going to be an amazing missionary. You're already preparing perfectly. Remember to enjoy the ride!! Lots of love and prayers.