September 3, 2018 Rise of the Jedi Knight

Hi all! 

Jesse is finally, finally baptized and Jesse summed it up better than I could have; "I feel like I went from the Dark Side to being a Jedi Knight." It was such a special weekend. 

Heads up: if you pray for Heavenly Father to help you learn to be a better listener, watch out. I lost my voice for several days from a cold I've had, which meant lots more listening and a few too many Batman impressions (Hna Stanfield didn't think they were quite as spot on as I did). The Lord works in mysterious ways! 

After spending my entire mission so far preparing Jesse for baptism (he set his first baptismal date the week I entered the field) it was surreal to actually be sitting at his baptism. I don't know what we were expecting, but after 4 months it was something big. A room absolutely filled with people, Jesse's entire family introduced to the gospel, not a dry eye in the room...

Instead, Jesse's baptism was a lot like any other: quiet, simple, with a real spirit of peace. There really weren't many people, but those that were there were truly is friends. None of his family showed, but his two boys were there, which mattered more than anything to Jesse. 

Somehow a family of crickets had managed to get into the church building, and although we tracked down as many as possible one piped up (and he wanted to be heard!) just as we began, so if anyone stopped talking there were literal crickets! Luckily there weren't too many hiccups in the program. 

Jesse accidentally unplugged his nose right as he went under, so he came up a bit waterlogged, but beaming from ear to ear. The best part of all was the end, when Jesse got up to bear his testimony. Heavenly Father has been working on Jesse for years. For years, missionaries would come to Jesse's house. He'd chat with them a little, but he never really believed them. "There was something hard in my heart. I wasn't really trying to listen to them, I looked for reasons not to believe them." The day that Hna Stanfield and Miller showed up on his porch, Jesse felt something different. In his words, "These people keep coming to my house. Maybe God is trying to tell me something. This is just two young girls and they've given up a lot to be here...I'm going to give them a shot." Jesse was on date for baptism just two weeks later, but had to wait more than 3 months due to a family situation outside his control. He perservered with tremendous faith, despite every external and internal opposition you can imagine. Jesse says the moment it really truly clicked (this was pretty far into the 3 months, Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways) was when he started to pray with his heart. He was struggling to feel like he was connected with God, and really receiving answers. We had talked to him so much about pouring your heart out to God, but until he tried it he didn't really understand. "Just a few days after I really started to talk to God as I prayed, I was doing an escavation project at work. I was fasting, i was exhausted and hot and miserable and I didn't know if I could keep going," Jesse told us. "Suddenly I started to feel this great big feeling that I was loved, and I just started digging like crazy. I dug the hole several feet too deep and my boss yelled at me but I didn't even care! I couldn't stop smiling! 'That's ok boss, Jesus loves me!!" 

Jesse is amazing. His love for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are so powerful, and he wants to dedicate his life to serving and sharing what he believes. Jesse is a living testimony of the joy the gospel brings, the guy never stops smiling now. 

While reading Jacob 4 the other day I bumped into a verse talking about how many didn't recognize Jesus as the Christ because they "looked beyond the mark." It really made me wonder how often I look beyond the mark in terms of miracles, in terms of personal revelation...

We tend to prefer the big flashy miracles and I wonder how often we're missing the tiny ones. If my mission is teaching me one thing, it's that Heavenly Father most often works in quiet and simple ways. His Only Begotten son was born in a stable, and grew up as a carpenter. His prophet of the Restoration was a farm boy with a 3rd grade education and a sincere question. 

Jesse's baptism wasn't big or dramatic, but the spirit was definitely there. Baptism is all about promising to turn to Christ, and Jesse really meant his promise. I'm so, so grateful to have been a tiny part of his journey! 

Hna Stanfield will be heading out from Fontana, and although I'm sad (she has become one of my very best friends) I'm mostly grateful for the time we had and all I learned from her. I hoped to "change lives" on a mission, but the that was honestly the funniest wish. I've been far more changed than any changing I've done. This really isn't my work, or the work of any other missionary, it's the Lords. He allows us to be a tiny part, we're only in one spot for a few short months, but the whole thing is completely in his hands and it's far more about His relationship with those I teach than mine. A mission teaches me over and over again how aware He is of every single one of his sheep, and how many second chances we all receive. I sure need them! 

Love you all so much. If you made it this far congrats, this one was a bit long! Best of luck with everything this week! 

Love, 

Hna Hawkes 

Recommendations: 

All about looking forward with faith :)

"Remember Lot's Wife"--Elder Holland

"Look Ahead and Believe" --Elder Dube 2016

"Tomorrow will the Lord do Wonders Among You" --Elder Holland 

Note to Mom and Dad:

Hi guys! Thinking of you all stuffed in the van in my state right now!! Mom, please add camallstar@gmail.com to my mailing list, and give Lauren the note I wrote her before the MTC (i sent it to our address). Also tell Dad my theme for the bumps in the road has been, "remember there is dark chocolate. From Belgium." Loved both of your letters! Wish I could have been at Pete and Noa's wedding, but definitely was thinking about you guys.

For all those present: 

Juniper Ward is supremely dissappointing, and I'm not sure how much I can do. Half the ward is inactive because someone offended them, and there are huge gossiping problems. They are all AMAZING individually, but as a group they aren't that welcoming. It's rule of 3rds. A 3rd don't come, a 3rd don't do much, and a 3rd do everything. I'm especially steamed this week becausw Jesse, who already has an overcrammed schedule is teaching 2 groups of kids a dance for a multicultural event. He brought handmade regalias he let them borrow, and then we watched in horror as they treated them like cheap Walmart dress-ups. Hna Tovar then tried to talk him out of dancing with the kids (which would be a disaster. They don't try very hard so he'll be the only entertaining part). It's the worst to feel like you have to protect your recent convert from the ward itself...it shouldn't EVER be like that. 

I'd love to get Kelly and Bishop Sharp's takes on how to support our poor overworked Bishop here. This ward is full of wonderful, wonderful people, but they don't know how to take care of each other. 

When I got here the missionaries were already close friends with several people we teach, and it's easy to fall into more friendship than missionary, where it starts to feel like more Home Teaching than missionary work, and I want to fix it. It's an especial problem with Elsie and Jesse. I'm not here to eat people's snacks and give them a comfy message and chat...but sometimes that's what happens! Any advice? 

Things I forgot to mention: went on exchanges and managed our area with an English sister. It was scary but I did it!! Hna Stanfield is always scared to push me (she's a good cop!), and she doesn't have a ton of confidence in my Spanish so I hadn't been sure how much I could do on my own.  

Had a wonderful interview with President Dixon where he told me the Lord is pleased with me, which meant so much. I had been really struggling to know lately. 

Hna Stanfield will be heading out, and I will be finished with training Wednesday. Staying in Fontana though! I told the Lord I'm not leaving without a fight! I'm so sad Hna Stanfield will be leaving, she has become my best friend and I have learned so much from her. Jesse is devastated, but I'll get him through it. She is excited to be moving on, but so sad to leave Fontana! She will be headed to BYU fall 2019, and is a bit nervous, so I thought maybe if we can offer her sort of a homebase? She has no family in Utah, so just knowing there are people she knows in SLC would make her feel so much better. I'll be home pretty soon after she starts :) 

Love you guys! Will write more if I can!